i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
