I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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