Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
