dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize