____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Olympian is in my bed
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
