I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
