took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
