I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
