i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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