Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
