I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
