I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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