WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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