I accidentally had phone sex last night
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
