she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wish my penis had a tongue
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
