I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
