pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
