I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
