Well apparently he's into motor boating.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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