she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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