i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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