Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
