dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
