You just made me feel so damn special
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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