FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
