i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
