she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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