Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
