I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
