u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
