ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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