I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
