my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
