Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
