I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
