I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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