I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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