Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
