So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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