Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
