i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
