I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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