maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
