just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
