pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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