Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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