i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
