I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Enjoy the penises
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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