I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
