At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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