Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
