the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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