by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
