the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
