My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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