Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
