i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
