i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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