Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
