At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
