Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
