i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
